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This post is a guest post from Beverly Nelson of Stand Up for Caregivers. Ms. Nelson may be reached at beverly@standupforcaregivers.org.

One of the most difficult conversations you can have with someone you care about is end-of-life arrangements. Most of us skirt around the subject, or vague requests are made for things like not being left lingering. By addressing the issues directly, you can formulate a plan for that difficult time.

Why End-of-Life Discussions are Important

Little is more uncomfortable than having the talk. We don’t like thinking about death, and for some people, the subject is downright taboo. However, some statistics reflect that without a clear conversation, many people are left with a significant gap between their desires and actual end-of-life arrangements. Not only does an open discussion alleviate that issue, but it also provides guidance to those making the arrangements.

With a roadmap for those difficult days, some of the stress and emotional strain is lifted. What’s more, knowing you are meeting your loved one’s desires can provide comfort during grief. In fact, studies cited by Science Direct show people who conduct end-of-life discussions with their loved ones experience lowered depression and less risk for complicated grief. Additionally, the loved one receives better overall end-of-life care.

Having the conversation with your loved one is never easy, and this can be compounded substantially if he or she is suffering from dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. Although this situation can be frustrating, it’s important to be very kind and patient with your loved one. Having this discussion is difficult as it is, so remember to approach it from a place of love. To do so, come up with a plan and research important information to make it easier on everyone. If you feel you need to have the conversation more than once, do so.

Opening the Door

Even if you maintain every intention of addressing end-of-life concerns, finding a considerate opening to that conversation can be a major stumbling block. If your loved one suffers with a terminal condition, Focus on the Family recommends beginning with questions regarding the illness. For instance, you can ask, What do your doctors tell you. Or, What do you understand about it. Keep your sentences short and pay careful attention to what your loved one says in response. From there, you can bridge the conversation into what your loved one’s goals are and what priorities exist. One suggestion is to ask what your loved one’s bucket list includes. The information can not only help organize social and family plans, but it can also inform medical treatment to accommodate those goals.

Allow Time

According to Today’s Geriatric Medicine, physicians often wait to address end-of-life issues until patients are close to passing. However, it’s better to allow more time in order for everyone, including your loved one, to process the information and make plans. If you have questions regarding the subject, you should address them directly with your loved one’s physician. The more time you have to contemplate end-of-life-related decisions, the better. Physicians can play an active role in helping your loved one accomplish goals by adjusting treatments accordingly.

Also, the nature of end-of-life discussions changes as time goes by. When there are months allowed for planning, you can discuss values, general quality-of-life concerns, and activity-related goals. For instance, some people want to travel or spend time with particular people while they still can. When time is shorter, specific treatment options may be a higher priority. Keep conversations productive and focused instead of overwhelming and emotional.

Start Talking Now

Even if your loved one is not having medical problems, USA Today recommends beginning discussions well in advance of illness. By opening lines of communication while things are good, everyone has an opportunity to begin processing the inevitable. It’s vital to talk about not only medical concerns but also financial issues. Beginning conversations while nobody is under duress allows plenty of time to make preparations and to do so with a clear mind.

Paying for Arrangements with Life Insurance Policies

You can also discuss funeral arrangements along with payment options. While it can be a particularly uncomfortable topic for you, it can bring comfort and closure to your loved one knowing plans are made. One option you may wish to research and discuss is selling a life insurance policy to free up cash for funeral expenses. Plans can always be modified as needed should situations change, which is all the more reason to discuss the topic earlier rather than later.

Talking about our mortality is never easy. However, by beginning conversations early on, you allow time for both you and your loved one to adjust and plan. Open the lines of communication so the transition is as gentle and comforting as possible.

This post is a guest post from Beverly Nelson of Stand Up for Caregivers. Ms. Nelson may be reached at beverly@standupforcaregivers.org.